1)      Chuck Norris is the reason Cap'n Crunch's eyebrows are on his hat.

2)      The reason so many people watched Walker: Texas Ranger over the period of eight years was not because they actually enjoyed the show, but out of sheer respect for Chuck Norris.

3)      Chuck Norris can eat not just six Saltine crackers in a minute, but six sleeves of them. Remarkably, this ability has nothing to do with roundhouse kicks; he just loves eating crackers.

4)      According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

5)      Chuck Norris knows exactly where Waldo is on every page. Even the pirate one.

6)      In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck killed that man.

7)      Christopher Reeve didn't fall off that horse. Chuck Norris hates superman.

8)      Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

9)      There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live. 

10)  Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 

11)  The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain. 

12)  There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist. 

13)  Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill. 

14)  The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer 

15)  Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. 

16)  Chuck Norris is my Homeboy. 

17)  Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING 

18)  According to the Laws of Physics, it is impossible for Chuck Norris to build more muscle. Upon realizing this, Chuck Norris swiftly roundhouse kicked every law of physics known to man, as well as those known only by Chuck Norris. He now has the ability to will his muscles to any level of strength he desires at any given time.

19)  Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

20)  When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. 

21)  Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 

22)  There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live. 

23)  Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris. 

24)  Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 

25)  Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 

26)  Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. 

27)  Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. 

28)  There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist. 

29)  When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down. 

30)  Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. 

31)  Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush. 

32)  There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up. 

33)  Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. 

34)  Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. 

35)  Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.